Maybe it's the lack of sleep catching up with me; maybe it's the subzero temperatures outside sucking all of my energy up; but I'm starting to be cranky, my fuse is getting shorter, and I'm becoming frustrated with the whole "S" situation.
I'm torn between telling him to "go to Hell" and just giving it a little more time. He says he wants it to work; was that just to keep me strung along? Did I fall for some manipulative bullshit while he tries to figure out what he wants? I'm so tired of not knowing where I stand with him or how he feels about me. After a year, I feel like that shouldn't be a question... yet it is.
I know he's busy falling into this new job, but we're all busy. And I'm really sick of him sucking up my happy feelings at the end of the day because I'm trying to figure things out by writing down my thoughts. I just want him to TRY a little bit; maybe that means I have to try a little less and just see how it goes. Maybe getting "back to the beginning" isn't a possibility because that's not what he actually wants.
All I know, is I'm tired as fuck, my neck hurts like Hell, my lungs are about to get cut out of my body, and I need to go to bed.
Here's to hoping- no praying- that tomorrow is a better day.